JUST ONE THING
The How-Tos on Modifying
With Rick White, 180BIZ
In this episode, I’ll finish working with your spouse. Remember, this works for your partner and even other team members. So, today is about modifying. What do I mean by that? Modifying is when you shoot for a goal and you don't hit it. You must step back and not do what most people do, which is get angry, frustrated, and lash out at each other. It’s amazing how many of us treat ourselves and our business partners worse than we would someone we don’t know very well. I don't understand that.
One of the things we must do is modify. There are two things that I start any kind of modification with.
1. Remember, you are on the same team every single day. You are all going toward the same goal. And that is critical.
2. There is nothing more important than that relationship. I will tell you right now, I would lock the door to 180BIZ and break the key before I would sacrifice the relationship with my wife. It's not worth it. She is infinitely more important to me than this business.
You must start with the right mindset when you're going into modification. The attitude to have with modification is curiosity. Not judgment, not blame, not finger-pointing. Finger-pointing and blaming cause the other person to get defensive or lash out. And you don't want either one of those. You are going for the same goal and you're on the same team.
So be curious. It might sound something like this. “Hey, we were shooting for this. We thought this would work. It's not. What part of this do I own?” In my Inner Circle group, we're reading Extreme Ownership, which is just an amazing book. It’s about asking yourself, “What part of this do I own? Did I not communicate clearly? Did I not hold people accountable? I own this. This is on me. Let's figure out what went wrong. Let's figure out what didn't work?”
Here's the next thing. Be humble. Ask, “I need your help. What do you think happened? I want to see things from your perspective.” I'm a coach so it's easy to talk about this while I'm here. But I must tell you, this is not an easy conversation to have. When Brenda and I are sitting down and talking, there are emotions involved. We need to recognize those emotions and give each other room to think it through and take ownership of what’s happening. Maybe I didn't follow through the way I should have or I dropped the ball. That's okay. But I must own it. If you are going to get your business to where you want it to go, you must talk to your spouse about what's going on. And it’s even more important to listen. Listen and hear things from their perspective.
When I say the word spouse, it can be a business partner or a team member. Every person in your shop, including the dog, should be moving toward the same goal. Everything I've been talking about as far as working with your spouse is interchangeable. Except for the going home part and life outside of the business. Everyone should:
• Be on the same mission
• Know how they contribute to the achievement of that mission
• Know what their responsibilities are
• Know how you will hold them accountable
• Know when they will get feedback and debrief.
When you're a couple, it's a little bit harder because there are more emotions involved. This business or venture that you're in is just another way of creating. And that's all it is. People take their businesses so seriously like it's a part of them, but it's not. It's like a child. You can have a baby and it's amazing. It's your baby for a little while, but as that baby grows and matures, it becomes it's own. And you are not responsible for choices and decisions the baby makes as it gets older and starts to live its own life.
It's the same with your business. Your business is something that you created. Your business is something you can be very proud of. B your business will have challenges and decisions will be made. There are repercussions to those decisions. You need to step back and say..
• What can I do better?
• What can I learn?
• What can we do better?
Modifying is the growth path. You will have a plan and that plan won’t work. You must be able to modify it based on what's happening around you. The only way you can do that successfully is if you're not banging heads. To do that you must:
1. Have the same goal.
2. Communicate well.
3. Put each other first.
Recognize that you're on the same team. Give each other room to have emotions. Between Brenda and I, there are times she gets upset about something or discouraged. I need to give her that room and she does the same thing for me. Your relationship can be amazing when you are growing something together, doing it together. And this is something that I had a hard time learning. It was the Rick show for a long time but not anymore. It's a team show now. It's the Rick and Brenda and Sandy and Shannon and Amber show. And it's amazing.
So if this message resonates with you, please share it. I just did a webinar on working with your spouse. It was a great webinar. If you're interested in learning about this webinar and seeing all the webinars that we've done sign up for our PBG or Pocket Business Genius program. It's only $49 a month. You get amazing information in your back pocket anytime you want it.