JUST ONE THING
The Four Components to Connections
Episode 94
With Rick White, 180BIZ
I’ve recently been talking about working with your spouse or significant other. Today what I want to talk about is probably one of the most important things you will need to do to be successful not only in business but in life in general.
Think through the concept of connecting. What does that mean? You can have connections with anything or anyone. You can have one small connection that's not a big deal. For example, if Brenda's watching a movie and I walk in the room halfway through, I'll sit and watch it with her. But I don't have the connection to the movie that she does. It's very easy for me to get up and walk out of the room.
You don’t want just one small connection with your spouse. You want to build so many connections back and forth that you two become an amazing team.
• You want to connect on your mission.
• You want to connect on your path.
• You want to connect on behaviors.
• You want to connect on how you talk to each other.
• You want to connect in as many different ways as you possibly can.
As a parent, and this is a good analogy, you need to set the rules with the kids early in their lives, don't you? For example, when mom says no, the kids run over to dad and he says, yes. You need a united front. You need to be together. If you guys are out there like two separate hands, your fingers are breakable When you're hands are interlocking and connected, they are unbreakable.
There are four components to connection.
SEE EACH OTHER
The first component is to see each other. And I don’t mean, yep, there she is over there or there he is over here. You must see what they're going through. Watch their body language. You can tell in an instant what's going on. It's important to see it even if you can't fix it. You must see where they're at. It's not hard to do if you put your antenna up. It’s not hard to do if you just look and watch and see. If you see your wife's head in her hands on her desk, she's tired. Something is going on. Walk over, give her a little neck rub and ask, “Hey, what's going on? You look beat. How can I help? What can I do?” You want to support her. She wants to support you. And honestly, a lot of times that's why she's there to begin with because she wanted to support you because she loves you. So see her first.
HEAR EACH OTHER
The second component is to hear each other. One of the greatest lessons I ever learned was from my four-year-old grandson. One Sunday morning, I'm sitting and working on my iPad. I was looking down when Brandon walks up to me. He says, “Papa?” I said, “Yeah, Brandon, what's up buddy?” But I never looked up from my iPad. He said again, “Papa?” Again, I said, “Yeah, Brandon, what's up?” Still looking down at the screen. For a third time, Brandon said, “Papa?” I finally said, “Brandon, what do you want?” But still, I did not look up from my iPad. Brandon then said, “Papa, listen to me.” I said, “Brandon, I'm listening. What do you want?” And Brandon put his hands on my face, turned it toward him, and whispered, “Papa, listen with your eyes.” I was shocked. That made such a difference.
How many of us are doing something while we're listening to somebody else? What does that say to the person talking to us? This is something I'm constantly working on and getting better at because I want to show the people in my life they have value. That I value them. That is so important. Listen with your eyes.
APPRECIATE EACH OTHER
Next, you must appreciate each other. It is so hard sometimes to appreciate the people that are closest to us. We start to take them for granted. I listened to someone speak a few years ago. The speaker talked about him and his wife. When they were newly married and his wife asked him. “Hey, will you take out the trash?” He jumped around the house happy to do what his wife asked of him. But then several years into the marriage, his wife asked him for the millionth time, “Hey, will you take out the trash?” His response was “What's wrong with your legs? Do it yourself.”
We start to take people for granted in our lives. But I will tell you, the greatest gifts in your life are not the things you bought. The greatest gifts in your life come free. Like your health, your mind, the people in your life, your spouse, your kids, your grandkids, and your parents. These are the greatest things in your life. Yet we don't think about them. An old saying says, “You spend the first half of your life killing your health to make money, and then you spend the second half of your life spending money to get your health back.” Think about this for a second. We take these things for granted.
Here's what I want you to do. This is from a male perspective. Sit in a quiet place for a moment. Close your eyes and imagine your wife there. Envision her laying in a coffin. I know that sounds morbid, but it's one of the best ways to get more connected with someone, to appreciate them, and to remember what they bring to the table. Do you take her for granted?
RESPECT EACH OTHER
The last component of connection is to respect each other. The reality is, each one of you makes a choice every single day to be in that relationship. Someday if things aren't going well, if you guys start to stray apart from each other, if you don't have enough of those connections, then you will have a big problem. So make sure you respect each other. Your spouse is there by choice.
COMPARTMENTALIZE YOUR CONNECTIONS
Finally, I want to talk to you about compartmentalizing your connections at work. Leave work at work and then find some amazing connections at home. Do things together. Wash the dishes together. Cook together. Play games, watch movies, and go shopping together. Do whatever it is that you two can do together to get closer. That's what connection's all about.
Connection is to get closer and closer and closer. I truly believe that Brenda is a gift from God to me. And it's a present that opens up every single day because I get to know this amazing human being a little bit better if I see her. I hear her. I appreciate her. I respect her.
God bless. Go have some fun. Go make some money.
Take care. Thank you so much.
