JUST ONE THING
Friction in Communication
With Rick White, 180BIZ
I talked about communication in the previous episode. And one of the things I want to talk about in communication is friction. I want you to know about the friction that's going on in every communication. Where does that come from? Well, it comes from wanting to be heard. And the problem that we come into unconsciously is we think that communication is about us saying something or sharing something. And it's not. Communication is not about what you have to say. (2) It's about what other people hear. (2) That doesn't really cause the friction, what causes the friction is when our world ends at our nose. This is when we think our way is the only way. This is when we're thinking of what's going on, whatever situation it is, we're working with it.
It's what we are dealing with. It's how it's affecting us. It's how I feel. It's about how you feel whenever we're having that kind of communication. We are venting most of the time. When we’re communicating like that the only thing you communicate, believe it or not, is the emotion you're feeling. Most of the time, in the communication that other people hear from you, the only thing they really pick up on is your emotion. And the reason for that is that you're not thinking it through. You're having one perspective and that is yours. This is what I mean by the world ends at your nose. There's nothing beyond your nose. Understand that there's another person in the conversation. Before you start talking about what's going on in your world, from your perspective, from your emotions, and how it's impacting you, stop and stay curious. Ask questions.
The four most powerful words you can ever say to a team member is, “I need your help.” It takes them from an adversarial perspective and brings them into a collaborative perspective. That's what you're looking for. But see it from their perspective. First, there's more than one perspective to any situation. What I need you to understand is that there are 360+ ways of seeing things. Yours is just one of them. So before you fly off the handle, before you go in like a steamroller, wonder what their perspective is. I want you to write something down. Always assume positive intent. Always assume positive intent. What someone did may seem completely bonkers to you, but I promise you, it made sense to them. And it's your job to understand how it made sense to them before you react, before you fix it, before you spray and pray. That's how we mostly deal with things. Spray a bunch of information a hope something sticks.
If you go into a situation curious and wondering, like this must be addressed, but I wonder what their take is on it. It will make all the difference in the world when it feels like they're attacking. You understand it's because they don't feel heard. They don't feel seen. They don't feel appreciated by you. slow down and put them first and understand what's going on on their side of the situation. Not only will they feel seen, heard, and appreciated, but once you really engage with them and talk and ask questions and dig in and really get what's going on, they will be infinitely more receptive to what you have to share afterward.
Stephen Covey said it best, “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.” And that's what this is all about today. Communication. It does not have to be friction. I wonder, among all the things they teach us in school, math, history, science, and English, why didn't they ever teach us to listen? Why didn't they ever teach us to see other people?
When we're in an emotional state, we tend to react. When we react, the world ends at the end of our nose. My recommendation is to react off on your own, do your little dance, or whatever for 90 seconds. Set a timer. But then come in curious.
Thank you all God bless, stay safe, have fun and go make some money.