JUST ONE THING
Emotions are Indicators
Episode 66
With Rick White, 180BIZ
I am going to talk about emotions, plain and simple. We all have them. Although some of us have a hard time realizing it. I was brought up in a household where guys didn't have emotions. I was supposed to be the strong, silent type without showing emotions. So, what I want to talk to you about is the good, bad, and the ugly.
Let’s start with the ugly part of emotions. Many of us are not even aware of our emotions. Brenda, my wife, will come to me and ask, “What are you mad at?” And I'll reply, “I'm not mad at anything.” And she responds, “No, you are mad.” Then I finally realize that I am mad and what I am mad at. I wasn’t ignoring my emotions. I was not aware of them. To me, it was just another thing I had to push through. I don't see them as emotions. So that ugly part of emotions is when you ignore them.
The bad part of emotions is when you let them drive. It’s bad when you have the car of your life and you let your emotions drive. The moment you let your emotions drive, you are a passenger along for the ride. Emotions are indicators. That's all they are. They're not what's going on around you. It's how you represent what's going around you that creates the emotion.
So what do I mean by that? Your emotions are a reaction to what you're focused on and the meaning you are giving it. Once you give it a meaning, there is feeling that goes with it. Letting emotions drive your life will always get you into trouble. When you're allowing your emotions to drive, you are 100% in react mode. Now what you want to do instead is understand.
So, the ugly was ignoring your emotions or not being aware. The bad was letting the emotions drive. Remember, your emotions are not what's happening to you. It's how you are representing what's going on around. We create a story with everything and that story is based on what we're focused on and what it means to us. Try this instead. When you're having an emotion, such as “I’m mad,” ask yourself why you are mad. What am I focused on that's causing me to be angry? And what is the meaning I'm giving to it? Your emotions are indicators of what's going on without even being aware of it inside.
There was a thing that happened this past week at the office. It appeared that someone was ignoring me and I was getting upset. So I stopped and asked myself, “Why am I mad. They're not calling me back. They're not responding. Okay. What is the meaning I'm giving to it? They don't care about me. They're not responding.” This is a big deal. Your emotions are an indicator of how you are seeing what's going on around you. Then start to use that so that you can create a better life. Let's face it. We would rather respond than react. For us to respond, we have to be the master of our emotions and realize that there is a better way to do this.
You have about 70,000 thoughts every day. And I've heard recently about 90% of them are on repeat. Meaning that you have the same thoughts every day. The same conversations every day inside your head. That's too much to try to keep track of. You’ll go nuts trying to figure that out. What I would rather see you do is monitor your emotions The first part is recognizing you have them. Sometimes I don't want to admit the emotions I have because they aren't who I want to be. That is probably a little bit of gold there. I don't want to admit the emotions I'm having because they're not who I want to be.
The key here is to own the emotion you have. Emotions are not bad. They're a representation of what you're going through, what you're focused on, and the meaning you're giving it. But I'm telling you either your focus isn't right, or the meaning you're giving it isn't very strong.
Getting back to why I was getting upset. And it was because I thought I was being disrespected. The first two questions I ask myself are (1) What am I focused on? (2) What does it mean? The third question I like to ask myself is, “Is it real? What else could be going on?” I began to think that they may not have their phone. They may not have this. They may not have that. Maybe they're busy, maybe they're going through something, and I hope everything's okay. Once I start looking at things a little bit differently, giving them a different meaning, it allows me to focus and funnel my emotions in a way that served me better. You know, the truth is a long time ago somebody said to me that life is a dance and it's a dance between your biggest fears and your biggest desires.
So, when we allow our emotions to do the driving, when we allow our emotions to dictate how we see the world, we're dancing with our fears. But when we can take a moment and step back and realize that those emotions aren't real. What we focused on and what it means we can change. We can step up and be better. Typically, our emotions are focused on how things are affecting us. Instead, be curious. When you start to be curious, you can't help but be compassionate.
Thanks for being here. God bless, stay safe. And go make some money.
