JUST ONE THING
Don't Avoid Haters
With Rick White, 180BIZ
What I want to talk about today is I want to talk about haters. The reality is if you want your business to be outstanding, you have to stand out. You have to stand for something. When you do, you will alienate some people. That is totally okay. You be you. And you do you. If you are a people pleaser you're in trouble because your self-worth, your self-esteem is based on the acceptance of other people.
Why do we do that? Well, there are a couple of different reasons.
A. We want to feel good about ourselves. And we, instead of finding that inside, look outside. The problem is you're always going to be disappointed.
B. We're afraid of rejection. We are herd animals. What I mean by that is when we were out living in caves and get ostracized from the group, it was basically a death sentence because you couldn't do it on your own. We survived because we stayed together.
I’ll tell you a couple of my own “hater” stories so you can see what I'm talking about.
My First Hater Example: About five or six years ago, I was teaching a class at VISION. I love going to VISION. I had about 150 people in my class. Back then I handed out comment cards and asked the attendees to give me feedback. One lady gave my class all zeros, the lowest scores you possibly could give. Her reason for it was because my shirt was untucked. It didn’t have anything to do with the class or content. She didn’t like that my shirt was untucked. If you know me, you’ll know that I don't tuck my shirts in. I just don’t.
My Second Hater Example: I was training a class at VISION another time, which had about 180 people in the room. I was teaching a class about Objections. Well, we all have verbal ticks of some sort. And it's funny, as soon as you get rid of one, it seems like there's another. So, I spend my entire life finding, fighting, and replacing my verbal ticks. Anyway, I was teaching a class and my tick at the time was saying, “take and…” I would say,” You have to take and go to the store.” Here's the funny thing. When you're saying the words, you're not aware of the tick. When you're listening, the tick is really obvious. Well, this one woman, every time I said it, she wrote it on my comment card. The comment card had “take and” written everywhere. And then she scored the class really low. Now, keep in mind out of 180 people in the class, there were close to 80 people standing in line to talk to me afterward because they absolutely loved it and had questions.
So now, I want to teach you three things to do when you encounter a hater. You could encounter haters online or in person. It might be through whatever medium you are using, or it could be just face-to-face. It doesn't matter.
1. the first thing I want you to do is LISTEN. Why? Because as much as we hate to admit it, we have blind spots. And there's a really great saying that I love to say. “You can't read the label when you're inside the jar.” When you're inside the jar, you have one perspective. That perspective does not create reality. It creates your version of reality. But by having other people's perspective and being open to them, it helps you become bigger and better. So, the first thing I want you to do is listen.
2. If it's worth listening to, I want you to LEARN. Now I'm listening to the first person where my shirt wasn't tucked in. Do I go any further? Is there anything to learn there? No. That's her junk, not mine. That's her issue. Not mine. I get to decide what goes in and doesn't go into my mind. I get to figure that out. You need to keep guard. You need two soldiers at the gate to your mind, and you get to decide what goes in and what doesn't. And sometimes you need to be aware of what's coming up inside your mind, because I'm telling you now your inner voice lies to you all the time. But what you want to do is listen, stay curious. Did that first woman have anything that was of value to me that could help me be better? And the answer was no. So, I just ignored it.
3. The third thing is to LEAVE it. Don't let it linger. Don't let it stay in. Don't let it erode your self-confidence or self-esteem. It's there to learn from. And then let it go. Now, the second woman, she had something of substance for me to learn. I listened and it hurt. When you put yourself out there, you're being vulnerable, and it hurts sometimes. You want people to like you, you want people to value the message that you're bringing. You want people to value what you're doing. That's the way for all of us. So, I listened to her, and I looked at that card and a couple of things happened. It hurt a little bit. And I didn't realize I said “take and” as many times as I did. I knew I had the verbal tick, but I didn't realize it was that bad. She was kind of a little ornery on her card. But what did I do? I sent her an email that said, “Thank you so much for pointing this out to me. I was aware of the tick but was not aware of how entrenched it was. Thank you so much. I appreciate your feedback. And I hope we'll see you next year so we can figure out what my new tick is. Best wishes and blessings, Rick.” I never heard back from her, but it didn't matter. I listened. I learned and I let it go. And I don’t have that tick any more.
This is the thing; you're going to get haters. Don't avoid haters. The only way to avoid haters is to be so plain and vanilla that you never stand out. I believe the good Lord meant for each one of us to stand out in our own unique way. And it's up to us to recognize the fear that's coming in. What's real today. That social rejection, that's their thing. It’s not mine. I'm still who I am, good, bad, or indifferent. There are going to be people who love me. There are going to be people who do not like me. I'll tell you what, there's enough who really love my message and love my passion and love what I do.
Remember, LISTEN, LEARN, and LET IT GO.