JUST ONE THING
Episode 9 - Overcoming Frustration in Communication for Auto Repair Shop Owners
With Rick White, 180BIZ
I've been talking a lot about communication lately and how important it is. One of the things we make a mistake on is thinking that communication is being able to express ourselves appropriately, adequately, and succinctly. However, communication goes way beyond that. And what I want to talk about today is the frustration of communication. Do get frustrated when you're communicating? You know where it seems like you're talking to a wall or it seems like things don't change. And it's just so frustrating where people aren't listening, or they are not doing what you want? Do you think that you could talk to a wall and get a better result?
What I will do is break down communication over the next few Just One Thing episodes. I want you to understand some communication basics. I am not preaching. I'm teaching what I need to learn. I am learning to put this into play as well. So there's a couple of things that are causing your frustration. Let's say you have a team member that's not performing the way you want them to, not getting where you want to be, or they're not doing something you want them to do. So, you address the situation, and you tell them, “Hey, this isn't working. Can you see how it's not working, stop doing it?” And they respond with, “Okay.” Well, what we're doing wrong is we're telling them to stop doing something, but we're not telling them or talking to them about what they can do instead.
You don't really ever stop someone from doing something. You want them to replace it. You want to help them replace it. Show them what you need. That'll be a big deal. But the other part of communication is let's say there's a situation event or circumstance going on. The biggest mistake you're making right now is you're coming to that situation, circumstance, or event from your perspective. And you're coming to it from a place of reaction. Or you're coming to it from a place of determination. You are dictating and telling people stuff. But there's a lot more to it. It's all about you and your communication. If you get nothing else out of this message, understand that the way you're communicating now has everything to do with how whatever you're going to talk about is impacting you. That does not work in this situation because you are dictating, and you are preaching. You are going at it from a perspective that doesn't help your team.
When was the last time you looked at a situation and thought you are not getting this, or you need more of that? You deal with it from that perspective because it's what we've been taught. It's all we know. And this is where the frustration of communication comes from. It's because communication is not a monologue. Communication is a dialogue. It is a back-and-forth conversation with others.
The secret sauce to improving your level of communication is curiosity. Curiosity for me is the word of the year. Instead of reacting, be curious. When you're going through something, and let's say you have a situation with a tech and you're coming to it from how it is affecting you. But have you ever stopped and wondered what he or she is feeling? I wonder what he or she is going through. I wonder how this is impacting them. I wonder what was going on that made them do what they did. For anyone to feel a part of things they have to be seen. They have to be heard. And they have to be appreciated. These are great tips from Bernee Brown. I highly recommend that you read or watch anything she does. She's amazing.
The first thing you want to do in communication is identify the situation. The second thing you want to do is understand how it's impacting you. The reality is you're going to think of yourself first 99.9% of the time. How is this impacting me? You get that out of the way. Then your next thing, before you get up off your chair, before you go out and talk to someone, I want you to give yourself the gift of wondering. The gift of curiosity of what is going on with the other side. What was this person feeling? What were they going through? What did they see that maybe I didn't? How did they deal with this? What was their thought process? I guarantee you that everyone, no matter how weird it seems, has a reason for doing what they're doing.
And it doesn't mean they're stupid or dumb. It just means their perspective is different. So I'm going to ask you to understand this is the first step in complete active communication. Once you've identified the situation, once you've identified how it's affecting you now, please go out and see how it's affecting them. See what they were seeing. See what they were thinking. Understand what they were feeling because it's only then that you can get them on board with getting some changes to happen. It's only when someone feels seen and heard and when they feel appreciated are they going to be open and willing to have a dialogue and to have this back-and-forth communication where the focus is not on them or their shortcomings? The focus is on the issue and how to get better.
Please, if this is resonating with you, I'm going to ask you to share it. I want to help so many people out there. Please share this video.
It’s time to stop the frustration. That frustration, where things aren't changing, where things aren't getting done. That's happening because you're coming at it from your perspective. Once you understand theirs, where they feel seen, heard, and appreciated, now you're going to be able to collaborate. So, our first step in communication is understanding.
Take care of God bless. And go make some money.