Your Secret Weapon! by Rick White, President 180BIZ
Today I’ll talk about your secret weapon. What do I mean by that? Last week we talked about the three major questions that we ask ourselves all the time. What am I focused on? What does it mean? What am I going to do about it? And then we went into your focus and focus-preferences. We have choose to focus on what I have or I don't have, what I can control, what I can't control, or am I focused on the past, present, or future. These are very important because some of these are going to be empowering preferences and some of them aren't. I discussed them in previous episodes, so I don't want to go over it again now. I just want to make sure it's in your forefront cause I'm going to tell you a story.
Last night, Brenda and I were watching television when my daughter in law FaceTimed us. Brenda answered the phone and it was my granddaughter, Charlotte. She was sobbing on the other end of the phone. It nearly broke our hearts. So Brenda asked Charlotte what was the matter. Charlotte replied, “I can't see my friends from school and it's going to be a long time until I do. I thought about it for a second and asked her “ Charlotte, what are some great things about not going to school?” Charlotte is six years old and she's still really likes going to school. She said, “What do you mean? I said, “There's some great things about not going to school. Tell me what they are.” And she said, “One thing is I get to spend more time with my dog.” I asked, “What else?” She said, “I get to go outside and play whenever I want.” I asked again, “What else?” Charlotte thought for a moment and said, “Mom can teach me more stuff. But then we don't get to see my friends.” She started to get a little upset again. And I asked, “Well, what do you think we can do about that?” And she said, “I don't know.”
I told her that there are things we can do. We can do facetime your friends like you are with me. You can connect and tell jokes and, and do things together. Because remember what I said on Saturday, let's not talk to our children about what we can't do. Let's talk to them about what we can do. Let's make it fun. Let's make it an adventure. So then I asked her, “Charlotte, why are we doing this?” She replied, “Because people are getting sick.” I said, “Yes, that’s right. We're also doing it so people don't get sick. Charlotte, you're like a superhero because your staying home.” Her eyes lit up. I asked her what her superhero name would be. She got this big smile on her face. It was so cute. And she said, “My name would be Super-Charlotte.” And I said, “That's awesome. Do you have a tee shirt or a shirt that maybe you and mom can decorate and color and put things on it? That could be your uniform. Now, she's really lit up. And that was the end of the problem.
Your superpower is going to come down to the questions you ask. In previous episodes I talked about the questions you're asking yourself and hopefully because of that you're starting to ask better questions. A higher quality question that's going to get you a better result. This will also show you how to help other people when they're down in the dumps, when they can't see a way out, when they feel like they're drowning.
What you do is you've got to ask yourself one of two questions. Do I need to change what they're focused on or do I need to change what the meaning is? Think about that. If I have somebody that's focused on something they can't control, they're focused on what they don't have and they're focused on the future feeling, it's always going to be this way, which pretty much describes my granddaughter last night. All I had to do is start to get her to focus on it a little bit differently to change her focus. Then I got her to change her meaning. We're not doing this as a punishment. We're doing this to be superheroes. You can do the same thing with the people around you because I guarantee you they're afraid. Start to use questions. Don't tell people it's going to be okay. That doesn't work because you're pushing against them. It's resistance. They're going to push back. Get them to change their focus.
When you ask questions, it's like taking their head and forcing them to look at something else. When you do that, their focus completely changes. The quality of your questions create your focus. Your focus creates your future. It’s the same for everybody regardless of what's going on. So I was coaching someone this morning, use these exact tools and we were able to help him get a technician lined up back on track in less than 10 minutes. Now when you have a focus issue, all you do is ask, “What else can this mean?” What else could this be? Get them to see different things or get them to see it a different way. For example, if I have somebody that's focused on this Corona virus and they're feeling like the world is ending. What am I going to do? Are they focused on what they can control? No. So what are some things you can do? Are you washing your hands frequently? Yes. Are you keeping social distance, at least six feet away? Yes. So it sounds like you're doing everything you possibly can.
Now let's look at a couple other things. You are healthy. Your spouse is health. Your kids are healthy. If you are careful and you do everything okay, there’s a really good chance you're going to be okay. All we do is we got to focus on today. What are you going to do to enjoy today? We could be focused about future oriented and about things we can't control. But what are some other things I can't control? I can't control the bus coming down the street. I can't control the car when I'm driving home tonight. I can't control the car coming the other way. The only thing stopping that car from coming over to my side of the road is a yellow line. But yet we drive back and forth every day with certainty because that's what we've been trained to do. That's the what we've taught ourselves to do.
Recognize that this Corona virus, while it is a terrible thing, what it's really doing to u. It’s making us aware of how much we are not in control, and we never were. My ex-wife wouldn't fly because she couldn't control the plane. It's like you can't control the car. You can't control what's going on around you. You can't control the other person on the other side. So we have to have faith, we have to believe, and we have to get going.
Be the light in your community. See other people that need you. See the people that need a smile, that need an elbow bump, no hugging, no hugging right now. Be there for them and help them see things differently by asking questions. Don't dictate. Don't tell them what they're doing wrong. Just ask questions. And here's the first thing I want you to do though.
(1) Meet Them Where They Are At. There's one other thing you must do before you start asking questions is you need to meet them where they're at. If they're over there. And they're really freaked out and you don't agree, identify that and get ensure them that you understand what they are feeling. You're never going to connect with them if you don’t understand and appreciate where they're at. You can say something like, “John, it really sounds like you're stressing out. It looks like you're really worried about this virus. And because you’ve made that connection, you can start to ask him questions and guide him somewhere else.
(2) Is it Focus or Meaning? Decide whether it's a focus issue or a meaning issue. And then start asking the right questions. Just like my granddaughter. You flip things around.
Okay. So once again, I'm going to ask you to please share this video. Let's help as many people as we possibly can. There's been a bunch of you that have started watch parties and that’s an amazing thing. We are hitting about a thousand people a day right now with this. I'd like to see it be 10 times that number because I want to give people peace. I want to give them hope. I want to give them an opportunity to see that there's going to be a tomorrow.
We're going to have challenges coming up in the days ahead. They're saying it's going to be another 30 to 32 days before we see this peak. We've got to be prepared for that mentally, emotionally. We've got to be prepared for this. So let's go. Let's be those bright lights in the community. Stay in front of your tribe, your community. Talk about words of hope and encouragement. We don't want to go nuts and what you're going to be able to do is when this comes off on the other side, you are going to be so much further ahead than everybody else that's hunkering down and putting their head in the sand and just trying to survive. No excuses, no retreat. Let's rock. Together we can do this. Please help me. Thanks you and God bless.
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