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Auto Repair Shop Owner's Daily Dose 62: Boundaries (Family)


Boundaries by Rick White, President 180BIZ

This is our family edition. What I want to talk about today are boundaries. I think boundaries are important, but you must scrutinize them. We have a fence in our yard. The fence is there to keep our kids on our property where we can see them and keep them safe. And it's also there to keep the dog in the yard. I was looking at the fence yesterday and I was thinking that it's important to have boundaries. Then this little voice inside said, “But is it?” I want you to step back and look at boundaries as a good thing. There are certain boundaries that are created by your identity.

I will never, ever, ever do drugs. That is a boundary for me because that is part of my identity. I will never ever be drunk. That is part of my identity.  That identity, that boundary is created by who I believe I am. Those are good boundaries. Those are where you are practicing self-management and self-discipline. Those boundaries are good for you. I put a boundary where I exercise almost every day. I need to get better at that so that boundary's not so solid. I need to work on creating and shoring up that boundary. So those boundaries are really good. When my daughter, Sarah, turned 18, I sat her down and congratulated her on becoming an adult. And I told her the number one secret to success in life.

I told her that I was the one telling her what to do and when to do it.  I told her that I was her parent.  So, under that age of 18, I was the one driving her to do the right things at the right times.   I told her that she is now officially a legal adult.  She is now a guest in my house. There are no more rules. There are only wishes and her ability to be successful.  They are based on her ability to self-parent. And she looked at me, inquisitively. Self-parenting is when you must kick your own ass. You have to be the one that does something you don't want to do at the right time because you know it's the right thing to do.

That's what boundaries do for us. Boundaries create a funnel. But there's another kind of boundary that we put up all the time. And these boundaries are the ones that need to be tested and pushed on and knocked down every day. And these boundaries come from fear. The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, the fear of being ostracized, the fear of standing out, the fear of not fitting in, the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of losing people. Okay, losing friends. You're going to lose your friends because you are above them. Yeah. I don't want to stop you from growing, not because they're afraid like they're going to tell you they're concerned. They don't want you to fail, but you're going to understand failure is not an event. All that happens is you're either going to win or you're going to learn. That's what life does. Struggle creates success.

Boundaries are a great thing when they're there to manage you when they're there to help you create the person you want to be. But then the boundaries of fear stop you from growing. They stop you from pushing forward and becoming who you are capable of becoming regardless of which side of this virus thing you fall. There are going to be two camps coming out of this. One camp looks at this as a reset and really step back re-evaluated what they wanted to do and took off and glad they did. The other camp wishes they had. That's it. You've got those two and which one are you going to be on? I'm telling you right now we are pushing forward as a family, as a couple, as a business. We are pushing forward. We are going to use this to catapult and grow our message and reach to help as many people as we possibly can. We're not going to live small anymore. We're going to do some really, really scary things. Boundaries are great. Just ask yourself where they're coming from.

Me not doing a video or me not stepping up and talking to people or, or introducing myself or, or being there and possibly making a difference in someone's life. That boundary is not really a boundary. It's a restraint that you're putting on yourself that comes from fear. And I'm going to ask you to recognize that fear is going to be a constant companion. I get nervous every morning before I start these videos. Fear is a constant companion, but you've got to embrace the fear. The fear is trying to protect you. Something that could be dangerous because your mind doesn't understand the difference between survival and fear.  

But I have this little eight-year-old boy inside and I give him a hug and I tell him, it's okay. I'm going to do this. It's not going to be perfect, but I'm going to do this and I'm going to make a difference. So you don't wait for fear to go away before you step up. Don't wait for fear to go away before you take action. Recognize that fear is a constant companion. It will be to the day you die. If you are constantly pushing yourself to get better and better, stop living small. Stop accepting the status quo. Stop letting situations, events, and circumstances dictate what you believe is possible because I am telling you there is so much brilliance inside of you that our creator placed in each one of us in a very special and unique way and it's time to let your light shine.

We get a choice at the end of our lives. We get to look at our dreams in the face and tell them we're sorry because we didn't let them come to life because of our fear. Les Brown says, “I want to die worn out, not rusted out.” Me personally, I don't want it left that I must give to somebody. I want it all out there so that when I die, when I'm coming up on my last breaths, I can smile and think that my life was well lived, that I made a difference, that I learned, that I became more. This is really what we all want. I want to leave you a thought. What boundaries are you setting for the people that you love in your life that are based on fear?

When you have a child that says, I want to be an actor, and you're like, no, you need to get a real job. That is a boundary. That is your fear for their wellbeing, placing a boundary in their lives. Don't do that. Speak words of encouragement. Be there to support them. Help them figure out how to do it. But do not place boundaries in the lives of people you love. Our goal, our mission, our crusade is to help those around us, to lift them up, and to see themselves as something bigger and better than what they do right now. We can't be as proud of our kids as we want to be if we put boundaries in their lives. We can't be as proud of our spouses and our loved ones if we put boundaries in our lives, if we speak limitation out of fear in their lives. So please ask yourself where these boundaries are coming from and let's make a difference. I want to say happy Saturday. We'll see you tomorrow morning. Take care. God bless.

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