Auto Repair Shop Owner's Daily Dose 32: React, Recover, RespondApr 16, 2020
React, Recover, Respond by Rick White, President 180BIZ
I've been talking the last couple of days about actions and where they're coming from. Your actions are coming from either a place of scarcity or opportunity. I talked about how to see which by the number of options you see and getting stuck in the planning stage and the desire to be perfect before acting. Now let’s talk about why we get stuck there.
We mostly get stuck in the planning stage because of fear. We tell ourselves we're not ready. As children, it was okay to fail, like trying to walk and trying to ride a bike. We fell but got right back up and tried again. As adults, it doesn't work that way any longer. Can you imagine a toddler sitting in crawling until they completely figured out how they could walk perfectly and never fall? It's not possible. As adults, we want perfection out of fear.
I learned this lesson from Mel Robbins and Coach Jennie. They said that perfectionism isn't the desire to do something perfectly. It's a desire to avoid judgment. It's a desire to avoid criticism. It's a desire to avoid rejection. That’s really what we're afraid of. Let’s get down to the very core of the fear we all have. Once we've taken our bare necessities, such as food and shelter, we all have what I call “Social Fear.” It’s the fear of rejection. It's the fear of being ostracized and being alone. It’s the fear of being called out and forced to be out on our own. We are hardwired to want acceptance and to be part of a group.
This is something that really holds us back. It’s the fear of rejection. It’s the fear that someone is watching us and they're going to judge us. Well, I got news for you.
- No one watching you. They're all worried about who's watching them.
- If someone is judging you, it's because they don't want to look at their own life.
There's never been a statue of a critic, ever. I’ll say it again. There's never been a statue of a critic ever. Let that sink in for a few moments. I genuinely believe that if you stand for something, you're going to have haters. You're going to see some people who don't agree with you. You must be willing to accept that if you're going to be authentic to yourself.
So, when it comes time to taking action, you need to plan. You need to feel prepared. However, that need to do it right is coming from that fear of rejection. It’s coming from the fear of being ostracized, the fear of not being enough, of not being loved. That is the core root of everything we're afraid of when it comes to social pressure. Now, if there's a sabretooth tiger outside, I'm worried about not being someone's meal. But we don't have that today. Ninety-five to ninety-eight percent of our fears are social fears and that’s is what keeps you from moving forward.
When we're stuck in the planning and preparation stage:
- Understand where it's coming from. Understand that you might be stuck because of that social fear.
- Know what to do about it.
When something externally happens, and we typically must change or adjust to overcome. The issue is we get stuck in react mode and in many cases, overreact mode. So, here's what I want you to do. I want you to do three things. Write your thoughts on paper as you go through each phase. That way you can avoid the thought loop and distractions.
React: First, you will react. We all do it, and reaction is normal. Don’t fear reacting. It’s what you do when you react is the key. We tend to spend most of the time in react mode and that’s the problem. When something occurs and you go into react mode, I want you to go ahead and play the victim for 90 seconds. You can moan and whine about how unfair it is for 90 seconds. And then, when your 90 seconds are up, flip to recover mode.
Recover: But how do I flip to recover mode? You do that by asking yourself questions. Ask yourself questions that are solutions-oriented, not problem-focused.
- The first question: “Is this the most empowering meaning I can give this?” Another way of asking this question is “What else can this mean?” Ask that question 100 times if you must until you find a meaning where you can grow. A meaning where you can find opportunity. A meaning you can work with.
- Once you have an empowering meaning, the next thing to do list every option you can think of. Remember, before you make any decision, be sure to have at least three different options Look them over. Ask yourself these questions. By being solutions-oriented, you can change your perspective in a positive way.
- What's the upside?
- What's the best thing that can happen?
- What's the worst thing that can happen?
- What can I control?
- What can I influence?
- What can’t I control?
- Which is my best option?
- Now that you have options, pick the best one. Don’t waste time. Don’t overthink it. Go with it and then push forward. Yes, you might make the wrong choice, but by making a choice and then taking action, you're will be able to figure it out. When you list your options, have a goal or an outcome in mind, know what the destination looks like, look at the options that will get you there. Pick your best one.
- Next, what you will do that you believe will get you there? What am I going to do? What are the things you’ll do to reach your goal?
- Then, ask yourself, “What am I going to do NOW?” Get that into your body. Get that into your being. Do this on paper.
I've been doing this for years. Jeffrey Gitomer has got a great book out called, “Getting Sh*t Done, The Ultimate Guide to Productivity, Procrastination, & Profitability. It's a new book where he verbalizes the React, Recover, and Respond theory.
So, go ahead and REACT. Set a timer for 90 seconds. When the timer goes off, go into RECOVER mode. What's my best meaning? List all my options. Pick the best one? Then RESPOND. What am I going to do? What am I going to do right now?
But wait. There’s one more thing. What am I going to measure and how? You need a measurement to see how you’re doing. You’ll see where you were, then where you are now. Then you can adjust or pivot if needed to stay on track toward your goal or destination.
Please do that every time. It will make all the difference in the world. You must believe in yourself. You must believe in your abilities. I genuinely believe that everything you need to get through, anything you come up against, whether it's this virus or anything else, it's already inside you. You have the ability to find it and the strength and courage to bring it out. You will make some mistakes.
So, the business tip for today is actually this entire Daily Dose. It is this whole concept of REACT, RECOVER, and RESPOND. So, please institute that in your life. I can't tell you how many people reached out to me yesterday and said, “Oh my gosh, you nailed it on the head. I am stuck in planning mode all the time.” Recognize that it comes from fear. If you can recognize that it's going to make all the difference in the world. Guess what? Everything you want in life is on the other side of that fear. You're going to push through it. Get used to pushing through the fear. Fear doesn't go away. You conquer fear. Fear isn't a war you can win. It's a battle you win every day. So, push through that fear and do something amazing today.
Now I want to leave you with this one thought. Please do not let the fear of what you're going to do exceed the excitement for where you're going. Don't let the fear of what you're going to do exceed the excitement of where you're going.
Take care. God bless.