Auto Repair Shop Owner's Daily Dose 20: Family Time (Family)Apr 04, 2020
Family Time by Rick White, President 180BIZ
I’d like to continue my talk from last week about our significant others. Think about the times when your spouse or our significant other was upset.
- The first thing you do is personalize it. We tend to personalize everything and make it about us. We ask, “Why is she mad at me?” That's just what we do. But what happens is we think she is mad at us when she could be mad about something else. We don't even know what it is yet. We just naturally assume that it's because of us, we are the center of our worlds. But I must tell you something. Most of the people we think are watching us are too busy worrying about their world. So, stop personalizing. When you personalize it, you are going to get defensive. But the better reaction is to understand and be there for your significant other.
The first tip is Don't Personalize when something's going South.
- Expect the best. We need to expect the best from each other. You both are stronger together than you each are apart. Be an unbreakable, unstoppable force of nature with your spouse, with your significant other. Come into everything expecting that they got your back.
E + R = O
This came from a book called Success Principles by Jack Canfield. This stands for the event plus your reaction equals your outcome. Now, why is that important? Let’s say there's a situation going on that's the event. I have no control over that, but my reaction is to suspect that Brenda's doing something to me. She's getting back at me. That creates my outcome and it’s not a good one. It usually involves a couch.
If I get that same event and I changed my reaction to expecting the best, now I get a completely different outcome. We all have to be united in this so that you can get your family through this, not just whole, even better than you were before it started. This is an amazing opportunity for our families to get closer. The second tip is Expect the Best.
3. And then the third thing I'm going to recommend is to separate the person from the behavior. What do I mean by that? You know, let's say you think your spouse is not telling the truth. Right here you have a choice. You can either call your significant other a liar, which is an identity. Where you're attacking the person. Or you can say, “Hey, what's going on? You said this and, and this.” It's a behavior issue. Attack the behavior, love the person, okay?
Separate the person from the action, from the behavior.
So, because we're personalizing, we tend to attack. When we defend, we tend to attack the person. We tend to lash out. When you start attacking the person, it's the death of the relationship. Understand that this is not who they are. It's what they're doing. So step back and have a conversation about the incident, not about the person, not about their character, not about their values. Let's face it, you are the one that picked them, right?
See the joy that's in your life today. I promise you it's there. You just have to look for it and find it. God bless.