Just ONE Thing
The Stories You Tell Yourself Are Hurting Your Team
Episode 272
with Rick White, 180BIZ
Good morning. My name is Rick White from 180BIZ, and this is my Just ONE Thing.
So what do we wanna talk about today? I wanna talk about STORIES, okay? Here's the fact. Someone on your team screws up.
They damage a vehicle. They forget to order a part. They miss something on an inspection. They make a decision that costs the shop money. But here's the only fact you have. And almost immediately, your brain fills in the blank. You start with, "He wasn't paying attention," or, "She doesn't care. He was being lazy," or, "She should've known better. If she gave a damn, that wouldn't have happened."
But here's the question. Do you really know? Do you really know? That's the thing you really gotta ask yourself. Step back.
You know what happened, but you don't necessarily know why it happened or what caused it. And the holes between the two things there is where you create the story, a story between a fact and unknown. In each of these examples where something happens that doesn't make sense, you now have what's called an open loop, and your brain doesn't like open loops.
It wants an explanation. It wants closure, so it creates a story. But here's the dangerous part of this. The story doesn't have to be true. It just has to be plausible enough to close the loop. So he doesn't care, or she was being lazy, or he wasn't paying attention, or she doesn't respect me.
Now you have an explanation. Your loop is closed. But here's the thing. You didn't discover the truth. You created a story. And once that story feels plausible, feels like it could be true, you start treating it like it is true.
Now, here's the problem. Now you're not reacting to what happened. You're reacting to the story you created about why it happened. And let's face it, when you're frustrated, you're stressed, and you're overwhelmed, what's the story you're most likely to create?
Are you gonna assume positive intent, or are you gonna assume ill intent? And the reality is you're gonna go for ill intent, right? Because you're pissed. Your customer's upset. The schedule just blew up. The mistake that they just made might have cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars, right?
So you go immediately to ill intent. So now, all of a sudden, he didn't care, or she was careless, or he was screwing around, or she knew better. And the reality is you're not dealing with the mistake. You're dealing with what you decided the mistake says about the person.
When you're dealing with what you decided the mistake says about the person, then that's when the mistake becomes personal. That's when they're doing something to you, and that's when leaders can do some real damage, right?
Because you start attacking the person, and you're pushing them away. And when you push people away, they're less engaged with your company. They're not an advocate of the company. They're just there. And eventually, you do that enough times and they start to back out to the point where they're just there trading time for money.
You're only seeing this through your eyes, right? You don't know what's going on in somebody else's life. Let's just imagine one of your technicians makes a mistake. It was a pretty simple mistake to make, right? But you're furious, and you pull them aside and you chew their ass out, and you tell them they should have known better.
And then you start questioning whether they're paying attention or not, and even whether they care. And then you find out that they found out this morning that their dad has terminal cancer. How do you feel now? Right? Do you wanna know how I felt?
'Cause I tell you all the time, most of my stories, most of my coaching comes from personal experience. I felt like an ass, right? But this is what I want you to think through. How did they feel? It doesn't matter that they didn't share it with you.
The reality is we have this thing called the illusion of transparency, and we think people should notice things. We think people should be more aware of things in our lives than they are, and we get hurt by that. Because what happens here is that technician, they feel unheard, unseen, uncared for. You weren't responding to what was really happening.
You were responding to the story you created. Now, that doesn't mean their mistake suddenly doesn't matter. It doesn't mean there's no accountability. It means that you didn't have enough information yet to decide what the mistake meant.
So what's the alternative? I'm gonna tell you this: When you don't know, assume positive intent. Not because you know their intent was positive. You don't. Assuming positive intent does not make accountability go away. All you're doing is simply refusing to convict somebody based on a story you created.
Instead of, "What the hell were you thinking?" I want you to try this: "Help me understand what happened." And mean it.
Like, curiosity is a superpower. You have no idea what's going on. This isn't an accusation disguised as a question. Get curious. Because, yeah, maybe they were careless, right? Maybe they absolutely knew better. Maybe something else happened.
Maybe they misunderstood. Maybe they didn't have the information they needed. Maybe your process failed. Maybe they're distracted by something that's happening outside the shop. You don't know yet.
So don't replace an assumption of ill intent with a made-up story of positive intent. Assuming positive intent simply means giving the situation some room to breathe, to allow curiosity a chance to discover the truth.
Because your team is not your whipping post. This is where emotional regulation becomes leadership. Yes, your frustration may be legitimate. The consequences are real. The customer may be really upset. The mistake might have cost you money. But your team isn't there to be a whipping post for your frustration.
As the leader, you're responsible for what happens between feeling that emotion and acting on it, because when every mistake is met with anger, accusation, and assumptions, your team learns something. They learn not to tell you about them. They hide problems. They cover their ass.
They stop taking risks. They stop learning new things. They become afraid to make decisions, and eventually they're pulling away from you and the company, and they're going to work someplace else.
I want you to really think about what you're really teaching them. What do you want their first thought to be? Imagine they made a really big mistake. What do you want their first thought to be?
I screwed this up and I need to tell my boss, or oh shit, my boss is gonna lose it.
Those two thoughts create two very different cultures, and a culture is simply the way it feels, the experience your team has working with you. You say you want people to take ownership. You say you want them to take initiative.
You say you want people learning new things. You say you don't want everything coming back to you. Then you've gotta create an environment where someone can make a mistake and still feel safe enough to walk into your office and say, "Hey, boss, I screwed up."
Because if admitting a mistake gets them attacked, don't be surprised when they start hiding mistakes.
The reality is the next time something happens, I wanna give you some room here, right? Scott, you're absolutely right. It's why they're leaving dealerships, right?
So here's what I want you to understand. There's actually kind of four steps to this. There's the fact, right? And then there's normally the story that doesn't serve you or your team. But then you gotta be able to back up and say, "Okay, I got some curiosity," and then accountability.
Here's the question. What do I really know? Separate what happened from why you think it happened. The vehicle was damaged. That's a fact. He was careless. That's a story.
Ask yourself, "What story am I creating to close the loop?" What have you decided this mistake means about that person, right?
Because usually the story makes you the victim, and it makes them the villain, okay? And I promise you, they're not doing stuff to, torpedo your business, okay?
So you gotta ask yourself, "Do I know this to be true, or does it just feel like it might be?"
Next, curiosity. Just assume positive intent long enough to ask, "Help me understand what happened."
That's all you gotta do. Don't replace one made-up story with another. Don't replace a negative story with a positive story. Just give yourself some room to understand what happened.
So before you pass judgment, that's really what I'm talking about. Before you pass judgment, what you've gotta be able to do is be curious.
You don't have all the facts, so don't replace it. Leave the loop open long enough to learn. Then once you understand what happened, deal with the reality. Either coach it, train it, fix the process, right? Clarify the expectation, or hold them accountable.
See, curiosity doesn't eliminate accountability. It makes accountability accurate. There's nothing worse than overreacting and then having to backpedal.
And you can say you're sorry, you can make it up to them, you can give them a gift card, you can do whatever you want. But you did damage. You damaged the relationship. You damaged the engagement. And you damaged the trust.
You don't wanna do that. You've gotta be able to stay curious.
Now, what about patterns?
Assuming positive intent doesn't mean being naive. There's a difference between a one-time event and a pattern. Someone makes a mistake, get curious. But if you've clarified the expectation, you've trained them, they got the tools, you've already talked about behavior, and it keeps happening, you have evidence of a pattern.
An incident deserves curiosity. A pattern deserves accountability.
Things are gonna happen in your shop. People are gonna make mistakes, and when they do, your brain's gonna want an explanation.
It's gonna wanna close the loop. Don't stop it. Just be aware of it, and remember that the story doesn't have to be true. It's just gotta be plausible enough to close the loop, okay?
So be careful about the story you choose to believe, 'cause the event may have created the problem, but your story's gonna create the damage.
Your team member is responsible for what they did, but you're responsible for the story you create and why they did it. So when you don't know, don't assume ill intent. Assume positive intent long enough to get curious and find out, and that's where accountability's accurate.
Gonna ask you two things. Number one, if this video hit home, please share the video. There's a lot of people out there that are hurting their team when they shouldn't be.
The girl made a mistake, and it was a problem. I didn't have time. There was, frozen things in the car. I had to go stand in line. Everybody was moving, move-in weekend, and I kinda lost my shit.
And then I had to backstr- trace and say, "Listen, I know this isn't your fault. And I'm really sorry for this."
But dudes, I made a mistake. Right? And we're still going to sometimes, so part of this is giving yourself the grace to understand, but own your shit right away and apologize.
I went back to that young lady and I said, "I'm really sorry again." And she said, "Oh, it's no problem."
I said, "No, ma'am, it is." And I gave her a tip and I said, "Listen."
She goes, "I can't take it."
I said, "Listen, this store doesn't pay you enough to put up with the shit I just put you through. Please forgive me."
You got a choice. You can stay curious or you can eat some crow.
Step back. You don't know what's going on. This really makes a difference, and if you're dealing with problems in the shop, having a hard time, you'd like to talk about it, Shannon will put my link in. Grab a spot on my calendar.
Let's sit down and talk, see what's going on. It's not a sales call. It's about talking to somebody that might be able to help. That's all it is. If that's something you want, I'd love to do it.
Thank you, everybody. I appreciate you being here. Have a great week this week, and hey, go make some money.
I'll see y'all there. Take care, everybody. Have a great week. We'll talk to you later. Bye-bye.
