Just ONE Thing
You Keep Complaining About It. So Why Haven’t You Fixed It?
Episode 271
with Rick White, 180BIZ
Good morning. My name is Rick White from 180BIZ, and this is my Just One Thing. So what I want to talk about today is complaining. I have done a ton of thought on complaining, the act of complaining.
And I found something that I think is really fascinating. I've boiled down all complaining into one of two camps. People only complain about two things. They either complain about the way things are, or they complain about the change to make it better.
Think about that for a little bit.
You complain because you don't like the way that things are, and then somebody says, "Okay, let's change it." And what happens? You complain about the change, right? That's the paradox to complaining.
You complain about people that don't take ownership. You complain about profitability. You complain about working too many hours. You complain that nobody follows the processes. You can complain about not having a process. You complain about customers. You complain that nothing seems to change.
And then you realize fixing those things requires you to do something differently. It's have a difficult conversation, raise your prices, change somebody's role, hold somebody accountable, say no. Understand no is a complete sentence, change a process. Make a decision that somebody might not like.
And suddenly you're saying things like, "I don't know. Maybe, maybe now's not the right time. I don't think the team is ready. I wanna make sure everybody's on board." So here's the thing.
I get it. You don't wanna rock the boat, but here's the problem I want you to understand about this, okay? Complaining is a sign. It's not a bad thing. It's telling you that what you're getting isn't what you're wanting. Complaining is 100% natural, and it's necessary, but it's also dangerous if you leave it unchecked.
Because complaining... when you do nothing but complain, it makes it feel like what's happening isn't in your control, and that leads to you feeling like a victim. And now you're mo- 'cause now what you're doing is you're moving what's called the locus of control, right?
From an internal I got this focus to an external why me focus. And momentum, confidence, and culture, they slowly die. So if this is the case with complaining, why do you do it? I'm gonna tell you why, right? You think that complaining is a sys- symptom of frustration, but sometimes complaining allows you and me to keep living with what we can't stand.
Listen to that carefully. Sometimes complaining allows you to keep living with the very thing you say you can't stand. That's horrible.
Because here's why. It's like a pressure relief valve. You complain, right? You get pressure 'cause you're not getting what you want, and then you complain, you vent, it gets it off your chest, you feel a little bit better, and nothing changes.
A week later, you complain again, you release the pressure again, and still nothing changes. Complaining becomes that pressure relief valve. It gives you just enough relief to tolerate something that you gotta address, and that's where complaining becomes dangerous. Because now you can feel like you're dealing with the problem when all you're doing is talking about it over and over again.
If you're unwilling to change it, at some point you lose the right to keep complaining about it. Let me say that again. If you're unwilling to change it, at some point you lose the right to keep complaining about it. Not because you aren't allowed to be frustrated, not because every problem has a simple answer, but because eventually being the leader requires you make a decision.
It means that you've got to do something about it. Now, you can either accept what's happening or actually do something, but what you can't do is neither, okay? And don't wait for everybody to get on board. "Aren't you making the decision?" "Oh, I gotta wait until everybody's on board."
Listen, you wanna hear your people. Their input matters, but waiting for them to get on board, that's not good leadership. It's fear wearing a leadership costume. Because here's another part of the paradox. The people complaining about the way things are also probably gonna be the first people to complain when you change them.
The reality is there are some people that just love to complain, and it doesn't automatically make the change wrong, right? I need you to hear me say this. Your people get a voice, they don't get a vote. Your job is to listen, consider, decide, communicate, and act, even when it doesn't feel perfect.
Nothing's gonna feel perfect. Stop waiting for it, okay? Not everyone's gonna agree. But if you wait until change feels comfortable, dude, you're gonna be sitting on the side of the road forever, okay?
So what I wanna do is just talk you through three things to do, okay? First thing you gotta do is recognize.
You gotta catch yourself complaining, okay? Don't judge it. Don't beat yourself up for it. Just notice it. See, I'm not here today to tell you, "Oh, to stop complaining's bad." It isn't, okay? You wanna be able to catch it, though, so that you're not going into a complaining loop, all right?
You ask yourself, "What do I keep complaining about?" Those complaints are clues. If you've been complaining about the same team member, the same process, too much work, too little work, the same customer, whatever, or financial issue, you don't have a complaint anymore. You have an unresolved decision.
That's the first step. You gotta recognize what keeps showing up. Then you're gonna reframe, right? So recognize first, reframe second.
Now, instead of asking, "Why does this keep happening to me? This isn't fair," it doesn't do anything. Instead, what I want you to do is recognize you're complaining, and then I want you to ask, "What am I going to do about it?"
And if the answer's nothing, ask one more question: "Am I willing to accept things the way they are now?" And I need you to understand that either one of those are good options, because there are some things you're gonna address, and there's gonna be some things you are going to accept, right? What doesn't work is refusing to address it, refusing to accept it, and continuing to complain about it.
The reframe moves you from victim to owner. It moves you from frustration to responsibility. What I'm saying is, what you're dealing with may not be your fault, but it is 100% your responsibility to resolve. It changes the conversation from why is it happening to me to what do I want to happen, what do you wanna have happen?
The third thing I want you to do is respond. Do something. Don't do everything, do something.
Have the conversation, clarify the expectation. Reinforce the process or change it or create one. Make a decision. Raise the price. Ask for help. Set the boundary. Hold somebody accountable, or consciously decide that you're willing to accept this situation and stop giving it your energy and making it a sticking point.
We were in Florida last week, and the heat index was like 112 degrees. Now, you could sit there and complain about it, or you recognize, "Hey, man, I got to accept it. That is what it is. I can't change it." To shake my fist at the temperature is just gonna make it hotter.
Responding doesn't mean reacting emotionally. It means taking your next best action, because action is what breaks the cycle, right? The old cycle is complain, relief valve, complain, relief valve, right? Don't do that. You break the cycle when the complaint becomes a trigger for action instead of an excuse for inaction.
So here's what I want you to do. Here's my challenge to you for this coming week. For the next seven days, I want you to listen to yourself complain. Every time you catch yourself complaining, I want you to run it through those three Rs.
Instead of, you want to recognize, what am I complaining about?
Reframe, what am I going to do about it?
Respond, what's the next best action I need to take?
And pay attention to the things you complain about all the time, because those recurring complaints are gonna be telling you exactly what your next decision needs to be, okay? And yes, it's gonna be a hard thing.
But the thing is, I want you to stop being one of these people where they're only complaining about two things, the way things are or the change. You don't have to be somebody who never complains, but don't ever become somebody who uses complaining to tolerate what you know needs to change.
Recognize it, reframe it, respond to it. Use complaining as the tool it's meant to be, and create the business you've always dreamed of.
Listen, does this work on spouses too? Sometimes, yes. So if they're complaining, you can start to ask them. Well, first of all, with a spouse chat, before you start asking or trying to fix it, what you want to do is step back and ask, "Do you just want me to listen or would you like me to help?"
I can't tell you how many times I've had my fingers slammed in the proverbial drawer for trying to solve something. The reality is we've got to do this for us. I guarantee you're complaining more than you think you are.
And what I'm gonna ask you to do, please, is share this video. Recognize, reframe, respond. Listen, I really appreciate you, and yes, it's a deep subject. I guarantee you there's people out there that need to hear it.
And then the other thing I'm gonna ask you to do, if you don't mind, if you or somebody you know, okay? If you or somebody you know is struggling with this and you'd like to talk with me, Shannon will put the calendar link in. You can grab a spot on my calendar and be happy to sit down and speak with you and see what's going on.
Thank you so much. God bless. Have a great week, and go make some money. See you next Monday. Bye-bye.
