Just ONE Thing
Why Fighting Reality Keeps Shop Owners Stuck
Episode 267
with Rick White, 180BIZ
Good morning. My name is Rick White from 180BIZ, and this is my Just ONE Thing.
So what are we gonna talk about today? We're gonna talk about REALITY. Last week, I heard someone saying something that really got me thinking.
They said that pain is a given, which I truly believe is true. But then they said something that was really interesting to me. It was, “Suffering is pain times resistance.” And I don't know if that's completely universally true, but I'll tell you what: it really made me stop and think.
How many times have you found yourself saying, “This shouldn't be happening. I can't believe this. Why does this always happen to me?” We've all done it, but here's the question I've been wrestling with: Has arguing with reality ever changed reality? See, I don't think so. At least, it hasn't for me.
I've never, ever been able to shake my fist or stamp my feet hard enough to change reality. See, I think all that does is keep you stuck long enough that you delay something that could actually change your future.
Let's just make this real. Technician quits. Sales are down. You got a tech quit. Your sales are off. Customer leaves a really bad review. You lose a great team member. Parts don't show up. You know what most shop owners do?
They spend the next hour, the next day, sometimes the week explaining why this is a problem.
So I don't want you to misunderstand me. Sometimes you absolutely need to—I truly believe you need to—understand why something happened. But there's a big difference between reflecting and replaying.
Please write that down.
There's a big difference between reflecting and replaying.
Reflecting on the situation helps you learn, whereas replaying it, right, where you're replaying the situation over and over again, it just keeps you stuck. That's all it does.
See, at some point, you've gotta stop complaining about your reality and start figuring out what you're gonna do with it, right? You gotta make that decision. You can't sit there and just shake your fist at it and say it's not fair. When I was growing up, my mom—I would say, “That's not fair,” and she would look at me with the warmest mom smile and tell me that life's not fair.
Why do we expect life to be fair? Why do we expect, “Hey, I'm gonna do this, and this is gonna happen guaranteed”? “Hey, I'm gonna start exercising, and I'm gonna lose the weight,” or, “I'm gonna hire another tech, and we're gonna make more money.” You just gotta be able to understand that sometimes you've gotta be able to just accept, right?
I think when something goes wrong, most of us immediately start to resist what happened. “This shouldn't have happened,” or, “Why does this always happen to me?”
But here's the truth: It did happen. Whether you like it or not, it happened.
So now you have a choice. You can either keep arguing and fighting with reality, or you can see it and accept it. Now, acceptance doesn't mean you like it.
Acceptance doesn't mean you approve of it. Acceptance simply says, “This is where I am,” right? Okay, this is where I am. That's it. Because until you know where you are, you can't figure out how to get where you wanna go. It's just like your GPS. If it doesn't know your current location, it can't help you get to your destination.
But I gotta ask you something. See, once you stop arguing with reality, something interesting really happens, right? What if you did that? See, your brain finally has room to ask better questions.
Instead of “Why me?” you ask, “What can I learn?” Instead of “Who do I blame?” you ask, “What needs to change?” Instead of “This is impossible,” or, “I'll never get this right,” you ask, “What's my next best move?” See, those start completely different conversations, and guess what? Those questions lead you to a completely different business.
As business coaches, we hear owners complain a lot, and I've been thinking about why. I don't think most owners are looking for answers. I think they're looking for justification. They want someone to tell them, “You're right. It's hard. No wonder you're stuck.”
Stuck owners are absolutely right. It's going to be hard, right? But being right about why you're stuck doesn't get you unstuck. Ownership does. The question isn't, “Do I have a good reason to not do something or to not achieve something?” The question really should be, “What am I going to do now?”
See, sometimes the actions of others got you here. It's not always your fault. Sometimes circumstances outside of your control got you here. Sometimes your decisions got you here. Sometimes your actions got you here, and sometimes they didn't. Sometimes you made every good decision you could make, and life still punched you in the face, right?
It was—Mike Tyson says, “Everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face.” But you gotta realize that's business. That's life. But I've really become convinced of something. Every situation, every circumstance, every action has a lesson. I truly believe that is—there's a lesson in everything we go through.
Nothing happens to you. Everything happens for you. You've just gotta be able to step back enough to stop stamping your feet, get curious, and start to unwrap the lesson. Okay? Sometimes the lesson is about systems. Sometimes the lesson is about sales. Sometimes it's about leadership. Sometimes it's about relationship.
Sometimes it's about patience. Sometimes the lesson is about resilience. Sometimes it's simply teaching you that not everything is under your control. In fact, very little is, right? The only thing you can control is what's inside your skin: your focus, your mindset, your intentions, your effort, your actions, your reactions.
That's it. That's all you got. But if you spend all your energy fighting reality, you miss the lesson. And do you know what happens? If you miss the lesson in life, you get the test and then the lesson. See, everywhere else, you get the lesson, and then you get tested.
In life, you get the test first, and then you get the lesson afterwards. But here's the thing with life: If you didn't learn the lesson, life just gives you the test again. No fault, no harm, no failure. You're gonna keep getting that test until you learn the lesson. Maybe that's why you feel stuck.
You haven't stopped shaking your fist at life and stepped back to look for the bigger issue, the lesson. See, I don't think the purpose, ultimately, of a business is just to build a bigger business. I think business is one of the greatest personal development tools you'll ever have. The money is awesome when you get it dialed in. The freedom is great when you get it dialed in, and growth is exhilarating.
But that's not the biggest reward. I truly believe that the biggest reward is who you become along the way. So the next time life throws something at you, stop for just a second. Instead of saying, “This shouldn't be happening to me,” ask yourself, “What's true? What can I learn?”
Reality isn't your enemy. Reality is your starting point, and the sooner you stop arguing with where you are, the sooner you can start building where you're going.
If this is a message that's resonating with you and you're feeling stressed out and just overwhelmed, Shannon will put a link in the comment section of our video here so that you can get some time on my calendar.
You'll actually get to talk with me, and let's see what's going on. Maybe I can help, okay?
Everybody, I hope this really hits for you. The next time you feel like something's not fair, step back and look for the lesson. Everybody, have a great week.
Thank you so much. We'll see you next week. Bye-bye.
