Want More for Your Shop? Stop Beating Yourself Up for Where You Are

If you own or manage an auto repair shop, you probably have a picture of what you want the business to become. Maybe you want a stronger team, a better business, or more freedom in your life. I understand that. I want more for my business and my life, too.

But I’ve been wrestling with a question: If expectations help us grow, why do they sometimes make us miserable?

I don’t think the problem is having expectations. Expectations show us the difference between where we are and where we want to be. What matters is what we do when we see that gap.

Wanting more gives you something to work toward

Desire is simply saying, “I want something.” I want a better business. I want to be a better leader. I want to take care of my family and have more freedom. There’s nothing wrong with wanting any of those things, and without that desire, I have to wonder what would push me to change.

Need is different. Desire says, “I want this.” Need says, “This is necessary.” If my kids haven’t eaten and I need money for groceries, the consequence of doing nothing is real. That need calls for action, but it still doesn’t require me to turn the situation into a judgment about myself.

I can say, “My kids need food. I don’t have the money right now. What am I gonna do about it?” Or I can say, “What kind of father can’t feed his kids? I’m a failure.” The need and the circumstances are the same in both cases. The story I tell myself about them is what changes.

Your current circumstances are information

Here’s where I am today. There’s where I want or need to be. Between those two places is a gap.

I tell people all the time that setting goals is about gap management. A gap tells me something about my current reality and the reality I’m working toward. It doesn’t tell me whether I’m a good business owner, a good parent, or a worthwhile person.

That sounds simple until I’m the one who has to look honestly at where I am. Can I say, “This is where I am,” without immediately adding, “I should be further along”? Can I see what needs to change without getting stuck on how long I’ve been here?

Accepting my circumstances doesn’t mean I’m happy with them or plan to stay in them. It means I’m willing to deal with what’s true today. I can shake my fist at it or beat myself up over it, but neither changes where I am. Once I accept it, I can decide what to do next.

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean blaming yourself

I think a lot of us worry that if we stop beating ourselves up, we’ll stop pushing. We use judgment as fuel: I screwed this up. I should know better. I’m not good enough.

But I can take complete responsibility for my circumstances without making those circumstances a statement about my worth. Where I am is a location. It only becomes my destination if I decide to stay there.

Responsibility asks, “What am I gonna do about it?” That’s a question I can act on, whether the situation is my fault or not. Blame keeps my attention on what went wrong. Responsibility helps me look at what I need to learn, change, or do next.

I also have to remember that wanting an outcome doesn’t mean I’m owed it. I can work hard, make good choices, learn the skills, and take the opportunities in front of me. I can control what I do with those opportunities, but I can’t demand that life deliver the exact result I expected.

You don’t have to hate today to work toward more

Desire gives me something to move toward. A need may make that movement urgent. Expectations help me see where I want to be, and then the gap shows me where the work is.

At that point, I can judge myself for being here, or I can accept where I am and ask a better question: “What do I need to learn, change, or do next?” I can still want more for my shop, my family, and my life. I can still take full responsibility for pursuing it. I just don’t have to use misery to keep myself moving.

I’ve thought about this beyond business, especially since I was there when my dad died. Everything he had worked for, worried about, and protected stayed here. I’m not saying those things didn’t matter. Building a business, making money, and taking care of your family matter a great deal. But I have to be careful about making what I get the proof that I matter.

So if your shop isn’t where you want it to be, look at the gap. Be honest about it and take responsibility for your next step. Just don’t mistake where you are today for who you are.