The Stories in Your Head May Be Doing More Damage Than the Mistake

Almost immediately, your brain wants to fill in the blank.

He wasn't paying attention.
She doesn't care.
He was being lazy.
She should've known better.

And before long, you're not dealing with what actually happened anymore. You're dealing with the story you've created about why it happened.

That's what I want to talk about, because I've done it myself. And if you lead people in an auto repair shop, there's a pretty good chance you've done it too.

You Know What Happened. You Don't Necessarily Know Why.

There's an important distinction here.

You may know exactly what happened. The vehicle was damaged. The inspection was incomplete. The wrong decision was made.

What you don't necessarily know is why it happened or what caused it.

That gap between the fact and the unknown is where we create stories.

When something happens that doesn't make sense, you've got an open loop. Your brain doesn't like open loops. It wants an explanation. It wants closure.

So it creates a story.

Maybe you decide he doesn't care. She was lazy. He wasn't paying attention. She doesn't respect you.

Now you've got an explanation, and the loop feels closed.

But you didn't discover the truth.

You created a story.

And once that story feels plausible enough, you start treating it like it's true.

The Mistake Stops Being a Mistake and Becomes Personal

This is where things can go sideways fast.

Now you're not reacting to what happened. You're reacting to the story you created about why it happened.

And when you're frustrated, stressed, and overwhelmed, what kind of story are you most likely to create?

Are you going to assume positive intent?

Or are you going to assume ill intent?

Your customer's upset. Your schedule just blew up. The mistake might have cost you hundreds or even thousands of dollars. You're pissed.

So you go straight to ill intent.

He didn't care.
She was careless.
He was screwing around.
She knew better.

Now you're no longer dealing with the mistake. You're dealing with what you've decided that mistake says about the person.

That's when it becomes personal.

That's when it starts feeling like they're doing something to you.

And that's when leaders can do some real damage.

The Story You Create Can Push Good People Away

When you start attacking the person instead of understanding what happened, you push them away.

Do it enough times and they become less engaged with the company. They're no longer an advocate for the business. They're just there.

Eventually, they back out to the point where they're trading time for money.

Here's what we forget: You're only seeing the situation through your eyes.

You don't know what's going on in somebody else's life.

Imagine one of your technicians makes a pretty simple mistake. You're furious. You pull them aside, chew their ass out, and tell them they should've known better.

Then you start questioning whether they're paying attention or whether they even care.

Later, you find out they learned that morning that their dad has terminal cancer.

How do you feel now?

I can tell you how I felt when I found myself in a situation like that.

I felt like an ass.

But there's another question that's even more important.

How did they feel?

Your Employee May Be Experiencing Something You Can't See

We have this thing called the illusion of transparency. We think people should notice things. We think people should be more aware of what's happening in our lives than they actually are, and we get hurt when they aren't.

Your technician may feel unheard, unseen, and uncared for.

You weren't responding to what was really happening.

You were responding to the story you created.

That doesn't mean the mistake suddenly doesn't matter. It doesn't mean there's no accountability.

It means you didn't have enough information yet to decide what the mistake meant.

That's a huge difference.

When You Don't Know, Assume Positive Intent

So what's the alternative?

When you don't know, assume positive intent.

I'm not telling you to pretend you know their intent was positive. You don't.

I'm also not telling you to ignore mistakes or let people off the hook.

You're simply refusing to convict somebody based on a story you created.

Instead of:

"What the hell were you thinking?"

Try:

"Help me understand what happened."

And mean it.

Curiosity is a superpower here because you don't know what's going on yet. This isn't an accusation disguised as a question.

Get curious.

Maybe they were careless. Maybe they absolutely knew better.

But maybe something else happened.

Maybe they misunderstood. Maybe they didn't have the information they needed. Maybe your process failed. Maybe they're distracted by something happening outside the shop.

You don't know yet.

Don't Replace One Made-Up Story With Another

There's an important distinction here.

I'm not telling you to replace an assumption of ill intent with some made-up story of positive intent.

Don't replace one story with another.

Assuming positive intent simply means giving the situation enough room for curiosity to uncover the truth.

That's it.

Your frustration may be legitimate. The consequences may be real. The customer may be really upset. The mistake may have cost you money.

But your team isn't there to be a whipping post for your frustration.

As the leader, you're responsible for what happens between feeling that emotion and acting on it.

That's where emotional regulation becomes leadership.

What Are You Teaching Your Team When Someone Makes a Mistake?

When every mistake is met with anger, accusation, and assumptions, your team learns something.

They learn not to tell you about problems.

They hide them. They cover their ass. They stop taking risks. They stop learning new things. They become afraid to make decisions.

Eventually, they start pulling away from you and the company.

So I want you to think about what you're really teaching them.

Imagine someone on your team makes a really big mistake.

What do you want their first thought to be?

Those two thoughts create two very different cultures.

Culture is simply the way it feels, the experience your team has working with you.

You say you want people to take ownership. You want them to take initiative. You want them learning new things. You don't want every decision coming back to you.

Then you've got to create an environment where somebody can make a mistake and still feel safe enough to walk into your office and say:

"Hey, boss, I screwed up."

If admitting a mistake gets them attacked, don't be surprised when they start hiding mistakes.

Separate the Fact From the Story

The next time something happens in your shop, start here:

What do I really know?

Separate what happened from why you think it happened.

Then ask yourself:

What story am I creating to close the loop?

What have you decided this mistake means about that person?

Usually, the story makes you the victim and makes them the villain.

Ask yourself another question:

Do I know this to be true, or does it just feel like it might be?

Then get curious.

Assume positive intent long enough to ask:

"Help me understand what happened."

Don't replace a negative story with a positive story. Give yourself enough room to understand what actually happened before you pass judgment.

Leave the loop open long enough to learn.

Curiosity Doesn't Eliminate Accountability. It Makes It Accurate.

Once you understand what happened, deal with reality.

• Coach it.
• Train it.
• Fix the process.
• Clarify the expectation.
• Or hold them accountable.

That's the point.

There's nothing worse than overreacting and then having to backpedal.

You can apologize. You can try to make it up to them. You can give them a gift card. You can do whatever you want.

But damage was done.

You damaged the relationship.

You damaged engagement.

You damaged trust.

That's why staying curious matters.

An Incident Deserves Curiosity. A Pattern Deserves Accountability.

Assuming positive intent doesn't mean being naive.

There's a difference between a one-time event and a pattern.

Someone makes a mistake? Get curious.

But if you've clarified the expectation, trained them, given them the tools, already addressed the behavior, and it keeps happening, now you have evidence of a pattern.

That's the distinction.

Things are going to happen in your shop. People are going to make mistakes.

When they do, your brain is going to want an explanation. It's going to want to close the loop.

You don't have to stop that.

You just need to be aware of it.

Remember, the story doesn't have to be true. It only has to be plausible enough for your brain to close the loop.

So be careful about the story you choose to believe.

Your team member is responsible for what they did.

You're responsible for the story you create about why they did it.

When you don't know, don't assume ill intent. Assume positive intent long enough to get curious and find out what actually happened.

That's where accountability becomes accurate.

Before You React to the Next Mistake

I've lost my shit before too.

I've reacted to a situation and then realized I didn't have the whole story. When that happens, own your shit right away and apologize.

But there's another choice.

You can step back before you react.

You can stay curious.

You can recognize that you don't know everything that's going on.

And you can deal with what actually happened instead of dealing with the story in your head.